Summer's here?

I think feelings are like your skin, they eventually peel off. Whether its love, hate, anger, disappointment or even happiness. They always peel off and similar to skin, they are replaced by new ones, love is soon replaced by hate or sometimes even nothingness. I feel like i have been lying in this pool of nothingness for the longest time now. It's not the best and its not the worst. It makes you feel.... nothing. Can't complain.

Right now, if i want, i can totally get out if bed, make a list of things to do this summer, work on my short term and long term goals and achieve something. But i am so tired right now. I am. Not exhausted, but im just so sick of being this money minting machine that the entire thing has become redundant, monotonous and boring really. Its almost been a week since i got off work and i spent all that time with ppl who i promised hanging out with. I felt like it was a debt i was paying off. And these are real, actual people that i am talking about, and as i met them i kept on doing that imaginary calculation thing in my head that my mom does when she's buying her groceries. (ohmygod i get it from ma.). So it was pretty much like

1 xwz
2  pqr
3 shkkd
4 mmll and lsks
5 opbnek
6 joxk, ankd, ajkdd's baby

No.5 and No.6 are friends who are leaving soon. So there's another formality there.

Yipee. Here's to Summer 2013!

Cheers

Yes, Man!

This past year was filled with me facing my past ghosts; ones i feared hated me, loathed me or worse had forgotten me. But i put up a strong face and i met them, each one of them. Still, i have not become the person i would want to be. I still get awed by people and their coolness and i end up doing the wrong kind of things. Like that lead actress in good fellas.  I wish i had a friend like me, who'd give me some sane, rational advice. Perhaps a future me? Because honestly on the account of not listening to any gibberish advice from people my age i have completely stopped opening my little big yap of a mouth. Is that bad? Is that normal? Is it ok?

Also, on the occasion of listening to people talking about how i am so judgmental i have decided to conquer those feelings and lay in bed and hangout with not so cool people. And Say Yes!

So here i am, saying yes. Yes to life, to people, to new endeavors, to new sweet memories!

Also it's zoya's birthday on Monday. I wish i could do alot. I really do.

Now Listening to

Moby - Moby - Sailin' On

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Because i had to

Dear Altaf Bhai,

You are the best, you are. Unlike the other idiots. I am not going to be ungrateful and not give you credit for what you have done for us. I moved, where i am 4 years ago and life could not have been so..better?  I mean i live amidst the MQM sector. Where there's this life size portrait of yours hanging on every gali-a reminder that you're watching us. (Aww) I asked the dukaan wala(also a MQM supporter) if i could have mine hung there. He stared at me for the longest time.

Anyway i love how i pay for an invisible barrier that does not exist. I love how you like playing with our psyche like that *winkwink* I feel safe. And i know for a fact that if i dont, then, well.. my Liana has already lost wayy too much. And i honestly do not want her to suffer any more. Our car has been serviced 3-4 times thanks to you. Maybe the rear view mirrors were stolen (by namaloom afraad) as a reminder to get it serviced? it was a hefty price. But thank you really. What would we do without you?

The highlight of the last year however was when we were robbed. Apparently the robbers told us, they had no say in this matter and there were "baray loag" involved.  It is hard not to agree with four men holding a gun to your mom's forehead but you know what? It made me stronger. I mean sure, my 12 year old brothers were shit scared for the longest time. But mann, us wusses, we needed it. I mean your beautiful goons did ask us to take our clothes off if we didn't adhere to their wishes. And last night i saw your rally leave my area going off to teen talwar. And all i could do, was pray and be steadfast.  So, thank you for everything. You are a constant reminder of how i am so powerless.

Seriously,
much love,
Me (:

Eesa

It's Eesa's Birthday tomorrow, i have decided to get him pink cupcakes-because they're his favorite. Eesa has become one of the closest thing that i have to a friend in the past couple of months. We HAVE to spend time together every morning for half an hour at least until his mother finally decides to drop him at his day care. :)

Eesa and i watch Disney Clubhouse everyday. He loves Mickey Mouse for reasons known to him and his 3 year old mind only. What's fascinating about Eesa, is his  enthusiasm, quirkiness and cuteness.

Eesa makes me want to be young again. he makes me want to be a child and have fun again. I like how the only thing that he is concerned about is coloring, painting or even pasting. I want to be that, feel that, be irresponsible, crazy and funky like i used to be.

But it's all just so, assdlwmlkkdpl now. Argh. #sadness

Wtf

I don't know why people categorize people the way they do. I mean, just because you have something to do with the Tv or Film industry does not mean that you are fake or plastic or a liar!And it does not mean that it's a requirement either! Ppl get seuuuuhh competitive -__- And just becasue somebody's a lawyer does not AT ALL mean that they'll sell their own souls or will have a cutthroat attitude as long as you're paying them! I happen to know some kickass humane lawyers  and some in the making, so suck it! And just because someone's a doctor does not mean they they're cold and it doesn't affect them when people die right infront of them! I mean, how would you know?!?! Massive stereotyoping.. tsk tsk you guys.. should be ashamed of yoursleves!

the Perks of being a Wallflower

There is nothing more motivating then a little insipiration from your Screenwriting teacher. Goddd she's a workaholic! and i can learn soooo much from her. But it's just that my job and uhh assignments and umm "friend" isues that need to be dealt with the same week that i have my workload. Of course i give my work and assignments preferrance over..well.. everything. 

My routine kiinda sucks. But it's okay. I get asked out, on a moderate level and i refuse on a moderate level. Not because i'm unhappy, judegemental and moody but it's honestly too hard. 

I can't believe im the same chick that my teachers always put 'on-trial' for. Of course, i don't blame them for my amazingly low self esteem. (i totally do) I mean it wasn't there job, right??-.-

Being a teacher i have realized sooo many things. 

1) Male teachers are only hot in movies.

2) The accounts department is biased.

3) There's so little that i have to do to boast the kids' enthusiasm, i mean sure-those little ajeebsters get on my nerves and from time to time i yell like a yeti. But i do make sure that they leave my class on a good note and i always ALWAYS give them a reason why i reprimanded them.

4) Teachers really take this whole coming-to-school-dressed-like-a-queen thAng seriously.

5) I think i might die alone.

Phew. Thats a load off. (temporarily atleast)

Maybe it's weird that i don't have time for my buddies anymore and i'd rather spend my time watching movies/shows and read books/newspapers/blogs rather than hanging out with actual people. But there's something i have realized- it's more important to know thyself than waste your time on person whom you might dislike at alot of levels in the future.

Confession: I read romantic novels and rom-com movies to feel good. I do.

Here's a great movie you can watch. It made no sense to anyone i know. But if you're into good songs, indie movies and you managed to survive "the tree of life" Then this is for ye!

Enjoy, toodles! (:

Karachi.

I honestly do not know how to react to these shennanigans that happen every week. It's sad, and depressing. It's hopeless. I can't do anything about it-that's what really sucks. While growing up, i was told that bad/sad/helpless situations only lasted a while and then they'd go away. But it seems like, they are here to stay. I still feel better knowing that atleast i do remember a childhood with no mass killings, bloodshed and bomblasts. But what about this new generation, what about the way their minds and souls are getting f*d up due to all this. What kind of seriously twisted kids will they grow up to be?

-They don't get to study properly anymore.
-There's something morbid happening every week.

-It's becoming quite mundane actually

-We are all too involved in our own sad worlds to help anyone. 

My Humanities teacher told us to come up with an assignment that represents Karachi. This is what i came up with.

 

Obviously i was pissed when i did this. I described Karachi as the fire on the flag.

I'll still be hopeful though. For this nation, for these people and for so much more. I will not give up. But i wont lie to myself. This is how it is and it will change.