Cluless recluse

Yes, it's been 6 months. Yes, we haven't been talking. But the part that really makes me L.O.L is when I end giving pretentious advice to newbie heartbreaks. But you know what has really happened due to this whole, "not being in a thing that makes no sense and is a nonsense thing?" is that i feel like i see life slightly clearer now. I pay attention to myself. That constant headache that i'm hiding something is gone, or that guilt that i was constantly made to feel everyday about 'not caring enough' isn't there. After all, I am 23. I change on a daily basis. There are new interpretations, new lessons learned everyday for me. I am as clueless as one can be. I am easily fascinated by the little things in life and yes i've had really weird phases...phases of crying all the time, to trusting weird people, being paranoid and just being in plain fits of laughter.

I feel like now i have the time to do shit, I actually like/enjoy, for example, annoying people. oogling at strangers, mimicking kids and similar stuff, y'know?

To Graduate or Not to Graduate-THAT is the question

I pose this question in the hopes that i would feel slightly better about myself.

(1)

She looks up at him with red puffy eyes, wearing his bathroom slippers she takes a drag off her last cigarette. He just stares at her, what a spectacle she had become...she was taking multiple drags off of the last stick of candle that was left on the dining room table. But he had to act along. If she wanted this candle to be a cigarette, then so be it. Pretence was a new world to him, and he was just getting the hang of it. There had been no electricity since 3 days which felt like forever.

They had been fighting earlier. He had been chasing after her. She was sick, but how could he leave her...or could he? He tried to shake off these uncertain feelings, he definitely loved her. He just wasn't sure if she loved him back. In all this delusional world of hers, what if she...forgets him or had she already?

She never used to smoke in the first place, but like all random things she ever did, she wished to take off a puff from an old candle lying down. There she was chewing on to the end of the candle, like it was a cigarette.

Don't I look french, love?, she says with those sparkling eyes while clutching her bathrobe with her right hand. She had become kind of nervous all the time, twitching and squeezing stuff, digging nails on her waist at times... this was the new her. 

He heaves a deep sigh and sits across from her, no matter what she did or would turn into, she would always be beautiful and pretty to him..

He thought back to the time, when it all had started....and how it started..would things be different if he had..

I'm sorry Peshawer 16.12.14 #PeshawerAttack

Speechless.

I honestly don't know what to say. Other than the fact that i am really really sorry Peshawer. I'm sorry that you had to go through something as horrifying as that. I'm sorry that you lost your children, friends and loved ones to TTP's heinous act. I'm sorry that you have to see disturbing images on TV and in newspapers.

The Social Media Forums have turned into Debate 101, and i apologize for that. I cannot tell you how sorry i am. I speak for myself only when i say, the Peshawer Massacre has not just angered me, it had made me think constantly for ...solutions for... cures for... anything. I wish there was some way to take it all back. Undo it. 

I apologize if the Vigils annoy you. But i know, they are being held by ppl with the best of intent.

I know, what Taliban did, was not an action to stop education but a revenge for the Military Operation Zarb-e-Azb.  I apologize for being an ignorant civilian. I apologize for a crappy government. I apologize for everything. 

I wish i knew exactly who was to be blamed for what, but i barely know anything about Politics.
All I know is that Musharraf's blaming RAW, USA and Turks while Shareef and Khan are having their own talks about God knows what. I know, many Army Public School survivors wish to enlist in the army to avenge the death of their friends...and the angst they must be filled with...is i'm sure too much to fathom. 

I don't know what to say. Just that i'm incrdibly sorry. 

Hazrat Umar said during his khilafat : "If a dog dies hungry on the banks of the River Euphrates, Umar will be responsible for dereliction of duty." 

And that is, what Mr Shareef should remember for eternity!

Reminiscing!

I quit today, this is how i am spending my entire weekend :D

ILOVETHISSHOW

Maybe, just maybe.

Is it wrong to not hate Satan?
Do we HAVE to hate?
Can't we just be accepting?
Maybe Satan was a fat girl with major self esteem issues in middle school?
Maybe Satan was the skinny boy who got picked on by the bullies?
Maybe Satan had a stutter
Maybe.. maybe Satan lost someone and never learnt how to deal with it in a healthy way?
Maybe Satan was a writer, or actor, or director who never got a break
Maybe Satan was the baby in the trash can
Maybe Satan was the geek everyone hated
Maybe just maybe he wanted to have friends, friends who liked him...
Do we HAVE to hate?
Why not give him acceptance, love and kindness?

Does it make you understand Satan a wee bit? Does it not make you understand people a wee bit? 

11 Things you face if you're a female film student in Pakistan

1. You NEVER have enough money to make your perfect film
2. If you are a girl, your priorities mean that you must master how to make a chappati first and then maybe how to work that light metre
3. You friends (who are also film-makers) will try and pull a Terrance Mallick.  Yup it's a thing [There's always that guy in class coming up with surrealistic shit]
4. People never expect you to write dark shit about..well...dark shit
5. Your male teachers will always be cynical to your ideas/appearance/existence/everything
6. You have restrictions and if you don't then you never have the right equipment
7. People try to motivate you by saying "Just start small. Do anything. Look at me, i started from nothing and look where i am" a little FYI. Starting from a 5D Mark III is not small. So eff off.
8. If you are the best writer in your class, you can expect your friends to ask you to write even their names on the answer sheet. It's a thing. People just unload stuff on you. It's annoying.
9. If people see you lift heavy equipment, like 250 W lights/Light stands/Set planks/Anything they will pass remarks like you're strong for a girl, what do you eat yaar, ammi nay aj parathay banaye thay? Are you seeing someone?. The last one is always thrown off no matter what the situation
10. You're always asked to act as everyone in your friends' films. Mother, Daughter, Heroine, Vamp, Teacher, Doctor, Psycho. And oh, people expect you to be a great actor. They just do. They don't care about you being camera-shy.
11. Last but not the least because you cry together..laugh together. You make friends. You make enemies. You make frenemies. You make best frenemies. It happens. It's a thing.

P.S If it sounds sexist or if you don't agree with me. Just know..that i dont give a shit. :)

Cheers,
Al